Confessions from a pastor's daughter.

I grew up going to church. It was a big part of who we were as a family. My mom and dad were heavily involved in the church. My mom spent a lot of time on the phone ministering to people. If a minister was passing through we would have them stay at our house. Some of my sisters married men involved in a christian singing group that stayed at our house. After my mom died my dad found his calling in being a pastor. He ministered in several different denominations. Being a pastors daughter I saw a lot of stuff go down good and bad. Some churches didn't believe in speaking in tongues, some pastors having affairs with church secretaries, etc so much crap. My dad never lost his faith and I looked to him and followed suit. I remember when he passed I was so lost because I looked to my faith to comfort me and all I found were reminders of him.

I had started my own family by the time he died and I took them to church. I was involved in Sunday school, went to every service and found my peace. As an adult I saw before my eyes a lot of crap go down. It has shaped who I am today and wish my dad was here to help me sort through it all. I would like to hear other people's experiences good and bad. I want this to be free of judgement so if you want to post anonymously that's cool. I want to hear about all religions. One day I would love to write a book about my life in church. I think there are a lot of people hurting out there because of church. I think in the end we will find that we got it wrong. We focused to much on religion and less on hurting people.

How has life changed you? The good, bad and ugly!

I've been on the down escalator for awhile now. I don't even want to say how long?! Menopause maybe? not sure but I have lost my joy, maybe even hope? blah. I guess we all have our bad days. I wake up in the morning put my fake smile on and go about my day but the problem with that is I'm like a volcano ready to erupt. I've lived my days walking through a foggy existence but not really taking the time to smell the roses. Remember the song "put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking out the door" something like that? I think from a Christmas cartoon? I've been kind of doing that recently not thinking but just moving. Maybe I need change? I'm not happy. Tired of never having any money! bills, bills! Working hard for what? nothing. When I was younger I never really thought of being rich, I was never materialistic but for me I just want to have some fun. Spend a little. Who cares about the bills. They will always be there, breathing down your neck! I want to blame my hubby but is it really his fault? He is a simple man. Lives his life like a straight arrow. Boring lol. I guess if I had a crazy guy I would bitch about it. One day I may disappear and if you wonder where I went just remember "I was tired and couldn't take it anymore". I will get in my car and drive and drive till I find myself!